Self-Love: Saving Your Sanity From Your Dysfunctional Family This Holiday Season

Ho Ho Ho or No No No?

Not looking forward to getting together with your family this holiday season? I totally get it.

If hearing the same old Christmas songs droning on, racking up debt buying presents your in-laws probably won’t like, and being held hostage at the dinner table doesn’t tickle your fancy, you might need to make a change in how you handle the holidays with your family.

While I wouldn’t advise getting all liquored up on mimosas or starting an all out brawl, there are mindful ways to take care of yourself. It’s called self-love.

Self-love Is A Mindset.

It’s about having consideration for your own wellbeing and happiness. With that in mind, I want you to stop thinking about everybody else and just focus on yourself.

Will your family unconditionally encourage and support you? Or, will they only stress you out, take you for granted and remind you of your shortcomings?

Be honest with yourself.

 

Decide whether you want to go to your family festivities or not.

 

What to do if you go…

Consider reframing how you interact and respond to people, especially with those who push your buttons.

 

No Expectations

Don’t expect anyone to thank you for giving gifts and certainly don’t expect to get anything in return. Do things like buying gifts because you WANT to do them not because you’re expecting something in return.

If you got a promotion at work or you’re dating a new guy, don’t expect anyone to ask you how you’re doing or what’s new in your life. If you want to talk about them either bring those topics up yourself or forget about them.

 

Set Boundaries

On the flip side, if you lost your job or broke up with your boyfriend and those topics are still touchy ones for you, make sure to shut down anyone around you who brings them up or wants to talk about them. You can do this easily by saying something as simple as, “I appreciate your concern and interest, but I’m not ready to talk about it yet.”

 

Take A Timeout

If your family is getting a little out of hand, take a break in the bathroom in order to temporarily get away from the madness. You can also go outside to get some air. Did someone bring a dog? See if you can take it for a walk.

 

Decompress Afterward

If you’re still at the get together, think about how you’re going to get your groove back afterward. Maybe it’s a bubble bath to release all that stress? Or maybe you pop in that first-person shooter and mow down a mob of zombies? Whatever you do, make sure it gives you pleasure and takes your mind off your family drama.

 

What to do if you don’t go…

If you don’t feel up to dealing with your uncle’s passive aggressive ways or your sister-in-law’s constant blathering and you decide not to go, try to plan out your activities so you don’t start feeling lonely or left out.

 

Tell Your Family

It’s totally fine not to attend the holiday gathering, but make sure you tell your aunt or your mother or whoever that you’re not going. Not going and not bothering to tell anyone will just cause another drama and you don’t want that.

 

Do Things You Enjoy

Doll yourself up and go to the movies (avoid those sappy holiday-themed movies), snuggle in bed with a book or magazine, or shop online for something you’ve wanted.

Avoid things like cleaning or laundry unless of course you enjoy those things.

 

Plan Your Meals

Go food shopping early before the supermarkets and warehouse stores start to close for the holiday. Stock your kitchen with all the necessities you’ll need. Cook if that’s you’re thing or pop something into the microwave.

If cooking isn’t your bag baby, make sure to scope out which restaurants are still open on the holidays. Chinese food places are a given, but if you’re craving another type of cuisine do some research online and then call to confirm they’ll be open.

 

Start Your Own Traditions

Seinfeld started Festivus so why not do your own thing. Buy a mini tree and decorate it. Start a new hobby you’ve always wanted to do, but never had the time. If your significant other is also skipping their family gathering, invite him or her over and enjoy some naughty holiday cheer together.

Whatever you decide to do during the holiday, be selfish and take care of yourself.

Self-love is the best love, especially around the holidays if your family isn’t as spectacular as the ones you see in the movies.

How will you save your sanity around the holidays?

Do the holidays make you want to scream? If you need to vent, join the Facebook support group and let us help.