Healthy Relationships – What NOT To Do If You Want One
Maybe you met your special someone at work. Or maybe you met on one of the many dating websites like eHarmony or Match.com. Maybe a friend set you up on a blind date.
However you met the person you’re currently in a relationship with, you want to do everything in your power to make it a healthy one, right? I’m going to assume that you’re really into this person and want to make a go of it.
If you’re perplexed about how to rev up your relationship so it has the best chance of succeeding, listen up because I’m going to share my secrets on what has NOT worked.
If you know you do one of the no-no’s below or catch yourself doing them, cut it out.
#1 – Be A Lone Wolf
When you were single, being a lone wolf may have been okay. Now that you’re in a relationship, you should consider the other person. Whether it’s where to chow down for dinner or what to do on the weekend, you need to be a team and talk through these decisions together.
If you’re not supporting your team, it probably won’t grow and flourish. And if your significant other was including you, that may end when s/he realizes you’re not doing the same.
Takeaway: You’re a team in a healthy relationship.
#2 – Lack Self-Confidence
We all have insecurities. Anyone who tells you differently is lying to you. The difference between someone who radiates self-confidence and someone who doesn’t is that they believe in themselves.
No matter what happens, a self-confident person believes they can do anything, accomplish any goal, and they’ll find a way to make it happen. A person who lacks self-confidence will find any excuse or blame someone else as to why they can’t do something.
Takeaway: You’re confident in yourself in a healthy relationship.
#3 – Nag
According to a Wall Street Journal article, nagging in a relationship is more common than cheating and probably just as toxic. (I would have linked over to the article, but for some reason it requires you to subscribe or sign in now, which is a total bummer.)
The bottom-line is don’t nag each other. Easier said than done, right? As you probably guessed, women generally have a bad rap for nagging, but that doesn’t mean men are innocent.
To have a healthy relationship the key is to communicate openly and honestly. Don’t place blame or remind your significant other about something they did wrong or didn’t do in the past. Use encouraging words that convey WHY you want him to do something.
Instead of saying, “Can you take out the trash? You didn’t do it yesterday and the house stinks.”
Try saying, “I’d really appreciate it if you could take out the trash so it doesn’t smell.”
Takeaway: You communicate mindfully in a healthy relationship.
#4 – Be Boring In Bed
If your relationship has progressed to the point where you’re intimate with each other, make the most of this time together. In the beginning it might take some work for the two of you to find your groove, but as you get to know what the other person likes make sure you use that to your advantage.
At a loss on how to add some spice to your romantic dalliances? Try different sex positions – missionary is so passé. You might also consider some roleplaying games where you dress up in sexy lingerie. Men – that means you too. You could also change up where you have sex. Forgo the bed and try other rooms in the house.
Takeaway: You nurture excitement in a healthy relationship.
#5 – Be Too Dominant
If you’ve been single for a long time, you’ve probably become accustom to doing everything for yourself and that’s a good thing. It shows you’re independent.
However, once you’re in a relationship with someone, you might want to consider allowing your significant other to contribute and make your life a little easier.
These are the niceties of being in a relationship – having someone else cook for you, allowing someone to open the door for you, and having someone else pump your gas. These are just some of the ways we show we care.
Takeaway: You keep your independent spirit, but allow the other person to care for you in a healthy relationship.
A healthy relationship requires both people to compromise.
Of course the pendulum swings both ways. If you’re working hard to avoid these relationship no-no’s and your significant other isn’t responding in kind, you’ll probably want to talk with them and see what’s up.
If they still don’t respond to your efforts, you might want to consider ending the relationship. You can’t have a relationship with yourself, right?
Like this article? Want more? Click here to email me and ask for an advanced copy of my new book about healthy relationships. Yep. Once it’s ready, I’ll send you a free copy and all I ask in return is an honest review. Sound good? Email me right now and get on the list!
Having a problem in your relationship? Want to chat about it? Hit up our Facebook group and let us support you.
Not into the group thing? That’s okay. You might want to set up a one-on-one with me and we can talk about what’s going on and how to get you on the right path.
It couldn’t hurt, right? Plus, for the moment I’m a lot less than a therapist and I have actual real-world experience.