3 Festering Reasons You’re Still Dating A Jerk

Psst. It might be because of your toxic parents.

I was reading this article on mindbodygreen about why we date the wrong people and it got me thinking about my dating history.  I’m married now, but I won’t lie – it was a bitch to get here.

[If you’re a little unclear on what I mean when I say the word jerk.  Here’s how dictionary.com defines jerk.  (Pay attention to definition #4.)  Also, here’s what urbandictionary.com has to say about the word jerk.]

Okay.  Okay.  Let’s get on with it already.

It’s tough growing up in a toxic household.  Besides school and work, you spend the majority of your time at home.  It’s where you learn right from wrong, good from bad.  If you were fortunate enough to have two well-adjusted parents, all is well.  If, instead, you had at least one parent who was from crazy town, that’s a whole other story.

The depressing part is you don’t know what you don’t know.   If all you see is a dysfunctional relationship between your parents, how will you ever know the difference between what’s right and what’s toxic?  It’s a bad situation and it’s so not fair.

What I can tell you from personal experience is, if a relationship makes you feel bad consistently, step away.  While there are some bad things that happen in life, your life should generally be happy.  You should feel good being around the other person in your relationship.  You don’t have time for people who make you cry.

With that in mind, let me walk you through the 3 reasons I used to date jerks.  Let me know if they’re the same for you.  If you have other reasons, feel free to leave them in the comments section below.  I’d love to hear from you.

#1 – You Have Low Self-Esteem

If you had toxic parents who constantly abused you emotionally, you probably have low self-esteem.  And if you have low self-esteem, you may not think you’re worthy of being happy.  If you’re not worthy of being happy, you’ll hop into a relationship with anyone who will take you.

And take you he will… He’ll take you for granted right from the beginning.  You’ll do his laundry without doing yours, you’ll pay for dinner because he always asks, and you’ll always be second to his family and friends.

You’ll be miserable, but you’ll stay in the relationship because you think no one else wants you and, as a result, you certainly don’t want to lose him.

#2 – You’re Constantly Seeking Validation or Approval

Your mother or father never approved of anything you did.  No matter how much you tried, it wasn’t good enough.  You’re not smart enough.  You’re not thin enough.

Now that you’re in a relationship, you already have this ‘trying too much’ habit.  You think if you give 110%, he’ll love you and you’ll live happily ever after.  That’s why you clean his bathroom when he’s out with his friends or you always drive over to see him and he virtually never comes to visit you.

By doing all of these tasks, you’re hoping he’ll see just how great you are – even if you have to lose your sense of self to make it happen.  All he sees is that you’re willing to do anything he wants.  You’re a pushover.  He knows it and he’ll definitely take advantage of it.  Forget him.  In reality, it’s YOU who needs to see how great you are.

#3 – You Have A Victim Mentality

If you’ve been in a series of bad relationships and can’t figure out why, you might be playing the role of a victim.  And, unfortunately, because of this you may inadvertently be bringing these relationships on yourself.

Let me explain.  For example, if your father treated your mother poorly when you were growing up, it probably made you sad, angry, or upset in some way.  Then, when you had your first couple relationships and the guys didn’t treat you right, you may have started to think that all men are shady.  At this point, you’re probably thinking all men are bad, but there’s nothing you can do about it.  That’s just how men are.

In essence you’re accepting these bad relationships and sticking with them – even if they’re making you miserable – because that’s how men are and you’re powerless to change it.   In the end, you’re not confident in yourself and it’s difficult – if not impossible – to change your situation, such as finding a better man.

The good news is that with age comes knowledge and wisdom.  Plus, those who pay close attention to the relationships that make them feel bad may see these patterns in themselves and work to change them.

Just so you know, while I’m writing from the perspective of a woman, this also applies to men too.  Jerks can be male or female.

So, are you dating a jerk?  Let me know by leaving a comment below.

If you’re in need of some help dealing with the toxic person in your life?  Grab a copy of my book, Grounded Girl’s Guide to Dealing with Difficult People and Saving Your Sanity.  It might just help.