Everybody has advice on how to raise your kids, especially those people who are already parents.  They’ve been there, done that.

What about parenting advice from someone who hasn’t had kids?  I don’t have kids.  I’m not planning on having kids.  However, I was once a kid.  And I know what words are encouraging to someone still forming his or her self-image. I also know what words are not.

In this week’s post, I want to talk about what you SHOULDN’T say to your kids if you want to them to have a healthy self-image.

1. You’re dumb.  You’re fat.

Blanket statements like that are demeaning to your kids.  These types of statements suck the motivation, enthusiasm, and hope out of their sails.  Not only are they hurtful, but also they warp your children’s perceptions of themselves.  If this is what you say, they may internalize those comments and, inadvertently, grow into them.

2. You’re just like your mother or father.

If mom or dad is criticized often enough, then your child will often feel the brunt of the comment.  Even if the comment isn’t directed at your child at that moment, he or she may internalize your words.  This may lead to your child feeling bad because he or she has let you down.

3. Call them nasty names

Nasty names are unacceptable and demeaning when used to describe anyone, especially your child.  If you’re using them, you’re demonstrating that name-calling is okay (which it isn’t) and it starts to perpetuate a pattern of self-deprecation.  It may also lead to your child calling others nasty names, a very bad habit that may be hard to break.

4. You can’t do that.

When you have a child, you think they can change the world.  As your child grows up, you can either convey that to them through encouraging and inspirational words or you can tell them they can’t.  If you do the latter, you severely limit their aspirations and what they think they can accomplish.  If you put your mind to something, you can do it.  If your mind is already telling you that you can’t, then you won’t because you might not even try.

5. Stop crying.

If you child has ever fallen down and skinned their knee or you yelled at him or her for doing something wrong, chances are that your child probably cried.  Whether the crying was because of something physically or mentally painful doesn’t matter.  If your child isn’t feeling right, expressing emotions is a great way to show how they feel since they might not be able to express themselves fully with words, depending on their age.Instructing them to stop crying is telling them not to express themselves.  After a while, they might not show any emotion, happy or sad.  As they grow up, they might even become uncomfortable expressing emotions at all.

6. I’m done with you.

This one is particularly hurtful.  When you say something like, “I’m done with you,” it’s like saying, “This relationship is over,” or “I only want to deal with you at certain times.”

This is ignoring your child.  You had a child so now you need to be a parent, in good times and in not so good times.  You can’t abandon them and leave them feeling like you don’t support them.

In all relationships, you have commitments and compromises.  If your child does something you feel is wrong and you immediately disconnect and walk the other way, what does that say to your child?

7. Get out of the house.

This one is a harsher version of #6.  If you kick your child out of the house in a foul way, such as ordering them to vacate the premises, you’re doing both of you a disservice.

First, unless you’ve talked about it previously, your child might not be ready to survive on his or her own.  Instead of grooming them to be self-sufficient so they’re ready to take on the world, you’re prematurely kicking them out without even a life preserver.  This type of behavior ensures they either come crawling back later because they can’t seem to make it in the world or they do whatever they can to avoid coming back at all, no matter the sacrifice.

If you’re guilty of doing any of these, congratulations on being an adult and admitting that you’re not perfect.  Who’s perfect anyway?  The good news is that if you’re currently saying any of these things to your kids, tomorrow is another day and you can always change what and how you talk to them.

Make a conscious effort to avoid saying these things to your kids and you’ll have a much better relationship with them as they grow up and become adults themselves.

Did you find this information helpful?  Let me know by leaving a comment below!